Looping the Hen

A Tale of Two Thneeds

"One wonders if the same results would be witness were the experiment to be repeated with libertarians instead of chimpanzees..."

This quote set off a rather lively intercourse in the comments section of this post (and mostly having nothing to do with the actual theme of the post). Honestly, I was more interested in the general display of cliches, sarcasm and stereotypes than the article, which didn't answer a lot of basic questions it brought up.

We learn that Democrats are thieving bloodsuckers on the purses of the country, that Libertarians are heartless and evil, with no concern for the sick and suffering of the world. I'm surprised I didn't hear the Republican's getting a good bashing over the evil Chimpy Bushitler stuff that the Kos'ites and Moveon'ers normally inject into any discussion of politics. (Actually, reading some of the new comments, there is discussion of the Dastardly Rovian Cabal, who are planning to blot out the sun and hook us up to generators for the benefit of our Nanotech Overlords) There are strawmen and some folks who happily provide lengthy discussion not necessarily related to the quote they are attempting to argue against. There was even a statement based on an Arnold movie, not really sure what that was about.

I guess it is easy for many to pigeonhole others instead of realizing that people are much more complex than our base assumptions. I know my friend from Cali (G_Max from the comments) is Green, while I am closer to Libertarian (though not quite). Well, what does that really mean? You may not believe me, but I don't really want to pollute the oceans with a toxic sludge of mercury and dioxin. I don't want children to grow up with brain cancer because someone once thought it was a good idea to use lead paint. And to be honest, no matter how much we tease each other or argue, I don't really believe he thinks that of me.

People may not like my argument, part of which is that I believe that the wealthier society is as a whole, the more 'natural environmentalism' will take place. And that I believe wealth is best generated by business. Its like Maslow. Once the necessities are out of the way, like food, shelter, clothing, then people are more likely to open their eyes to wilderness, and endangered species and ideas beyond their immediate needs. (Even if it is for no other reason that someday rich people might want to go there and see the pretty owls.)

If I am a logger who can't feed my family, well, you know, the Spotted Owl isn't a symbol for crap other than that I am a failure and can't provide for my loved ones. Is saving the Spotted Owl a worthy goal? Sure it is. Is it worth having 30,000 people out of work to do so? For me, that is a much harder question, and most likely I'll go with the logger keeping his job. By that token, does that mean my friend is indifferent to the son and daughter of the logger? No, of course not; however, because of where he's at, he sees a bigger picture, the one of the whole planet and the inherent value of every species. He would probably be amenable to suggestions of relocating or retraining the loggers, or making sure they get some sort of financial aid.

I would most likely suggest instead that the lumberjacks, who really like the wilderness (hence their profession), might be persuaded to part voluntarily with some of their earnings and partner with the Sierra Club to buy up 20,000 acres for the cute lil feathery job-stealers to live. Sure, would it be better for the owls to have 70,000,000 acres to live in? Yes. Is it realistic to put infinite swaths of natural resources off-limits for the Lorax and his friends? Probably not.

In the end we believe in similar results, but to different degrees. He's not a demon, and neither am I. There are a whole slew of arguments we have that are just as complex, from affirmative action to the economy to the war, and although our viewpoints often differ on what are the best methods to developing a great country (and world), they mostly end up at the same place: lots of happy people, and a pristine world for them to explore.

It's almost like Alzheimer's at 34

Am I my own worst enemy? Oh, yes I am.

If there were two personality traits I could change in myself, they would be my almost legendary procrastination skill and my microscopic attention span. It is truly horrible, even when I finally do get around to something, I can't keep focused on it for longer than your average garage sale.

As many have gathered, I love video games. I have many more than I should have, because I play the average game for about a weekend before giving it up. Of the almost 100 games I have played in the last five years, I can count the ones I finished on one hand. Four fingers to be exact: Baldur's Gate II: Shadows of Amn (probably my favorite game ever, and still took me 2 tries to finish), Fallout 1 (after 3 tries over 4 years), Halo, and the first campaign for Neverwinter Nights (after 2 tries). Great games I played but never finished (and should have) include Fallout 2 (my 2nd fav game ever), Disciple, Nexus, The Jupiter Incident, Evil Genius, Beyond Good and Evil, Psychonauts, and Freedom Force, among many many others. Most games last a weekend and then hit the 'pile', a 2-inch silver stack where they live until they find their way back to their case and a milk crate in the closet.

I'm the same way with real life things also. I lasted 3 weeks in the SCA, quit karate after I hit my third belt, given up Magic at least 4 times now, wrote three chapters of what could be a great book and shelved it, and just recently quit the singles site thing after less than two weeks. About the only stable things in my life are my job and my other job (Eve). I love my job and have been there 6 years now, but am even feeling ancy about that, as its been a while since my last vertical move and budget controls for the next year make me question whether things will happen.

In a recent bout with insanity, I have been thinking of going back to school and finishing my degree (I am about halfway there with 60 transferable creds or so). But I know me, I'll manage one course a semester for about 2 semesters before I get tired of it and move on to flying ultralights or something. The only positive might be this, 135 women receive degrees for every 100 men. Sounds like good dating odds at least!

Almost worse than my life-of-fruitfly attention span is my procrastination. I have mastered the art of putting things off until the very last millisecond. If I were to actually decide to go to college, I know my application would be there the very last day and my financial aid request hand-delivered at 4:58. My Belize trip? Will be booked at most 2 weeks before we actually pick a date. Part of the reason it took me so long to get a new car (and I must say was actually a good thing here!) was my inability to pick up the phone for more information until 3 days after the owner actually sold the car.

Anyone else have any silly traits they'd like to lose? Any advice for the terminally inattentive?

Holy Flushes!

A few of my otherwise Texas Holdem-inclined friends refuse to play online due to fears of cheating, either by players or by the sites running real-dollar play. Although I know there are folks colluding on Teamspeak or the like, I tend to play $.50/1.00 tables, where any decent cheater's take per hour would likely be extremely low. I find the question of whether or not the House (the poker sites running the games) cheats more interesting.

I have read some forums where players insist the house on some sites will give good hands to multiple players to create more action to generate more rake. (Rake is the house's cut of each hand) I find it a stretch to think many sites regularly rig the game, due to a plethora of tracking tools that would let computer-literate players detect any foul play. However, even I must admit based on the real life games I have played, it seems online play has more big hands. Skeptics may claim this is because online play is faster, and one sees more hands than in real table play.

This past Wednesday I came in 2nd on a real-life tourney table. In the course of the evening we probably played 100-120 hands, which online ranges between 1.5 hours worth of play on a fast table to perhaps 2.5 on a slower table. It took about 3 hours and change and included 2 10 minute breaks. Based on that I guesstimate real life play with a good dealer is maybe 1 to 1.5-2.0 online.

In the tourney, there was one flush and 3 straights (2 of them mine) for high hands in the entire event. The rest of the winning hands either didn't show or were high pair, two pair or three of a kind. In my last 100 hands online, I have won 13 hands with these:

1 flush, Jack high
1 flush, 8 high (4 suited on table)
1 flush Ace high (4 suited on table)
1 flush Queen high
3 x straights
1 3 of a kind Aces
1 3 of a kind Kings
1 3 of a kind Fives
1 2-pair Aces and Eights
1 pair Queen high (Only went to flop)
1 pair 4's

I don't know much about statistics, but that seems like a lot of really good hands. Even with that many high hands, I tend to only break even online (for the year I am up around $100). Just for grins, I broke down the number of hands that ended with 3 or more suited cards on the river (last card on the table):

3 x 3 spades
6 x 3 clubs
8 x 3 hearts
10 x 3 diamonds
1 x 4 clubs
3 x 4 diamonds
1 x 5 diamond
1 x 5 heart

(I didn't win either of the 5 suited)

That is 33 hands that had possible flush draws. Anyone know the odds in general of 3 or more suited cards coming up?

Again, I find it hard to believe that the site I play at regularly rigs games, but perhaps I will break out some poker manuals and figure out whether or not the above is a statistically probable set of hands.

A History of Aragorn's Butt

(Warning: Spoilers for A History of Violence and a little bit of risqueness, read at your own risk)

Not that I have anything against Viggo's butt, truly. However, like much of this movie its appearance is, well, abrupt. I may have lived too long in Tennessee or something. The two in-your-face sex scenes in this movie, although almost nothing worse than I see on Galactica, took me by surprise. And by the reactions of the other folks in the theatre, I wasn't the only one.

Viggo's politics are your typical lefty-pink rhetoric (Impeach Bush, blah blah blah) almost unworthy of a good savaging (and not very welcomed by most Vols either), but his acting has plainly gotten much better in the year since I saw Hidalgo and The Return of the King. Although movies with leading equines have a place in my heart, his acting in Hidalgo was pretty stilted and he left it to the horse to carry the movie.

He carried off A History of Violence with a stronger performance than any of the Fellowship of the Rings films, and appears to have found his stride. With both Hidalgo and A History of Violence under his belt, he may escape type-casting as the Ranger turned King of Gondor. The fact that all of the characters in A History turned in strong performances may also have buoyed his. The first scene in which the family (Viggo, mom, brother) consoles Tom Stall's daughter seems a little forced, however under Cronenberg's direction the dynamic develops into something appropriately dysfunctional (ie. realistic), quirky, but with a loyal and affectionate bond.

I don't remember theatre audiences being quite as expressive in Connecticut as they are here. I could hear audible gasps from mothers with their teenagers when Tom (Viggo) and Edie Stall (the sultry Maria Bello) slid into a classic 69. (And her in a cheerleader outfit no less!) Their second go-round, an almost-rape as mom finally gets the bad boy routine from her normally passive husband, is where Viggo's backside makes its larger-than-life appearance. I much preferred the full frontal of Bello, but I fear it is not what will be scalded into my cerebellum come bedtime.

Although no one walked out due to the heavy sex, the movie brought out huge grumbles with it's non-ending. In the South, we like meat and potatoes. We like barbecue, football, and beer. We don't, however, like our movies to make us think about what could have happened after the credits close. Although I think I interpreted Cronenberg's ending correctly, I don't think many others did (or just didn't want to), and you could hear it in the disappointed conversations as patrons left the auditorium. To most there, it was almost a perfect movie: strong violence with a generous helping of gore, erotic and unusual sex scenes between two strong actors, a bad-guy-gone-good backdrop, and a solid (again, if abrubt) climax had everyone on the edges of their seats. Then it had one of those artsy make-you-think endings in direct contrast to the straightforward tempo of the rest of the flick.

Overall, I'll give it 4 out of 5 stars; my main complaints tend to be related to minor flaws, such as the lawyer wife's lack of research into her husband's past after the first run-in with the mafia guys and the lack of a true law enforcement presence after Viggo goes Schwarzenegger on a bunch of known mobsters and leaves them dead on his front lawn. Still, I'd say the movie is a must see for its entertaining, straight-forward film-making and its sublime use of pom-poms.

Let's talk about...not!

Wow, how annoying is that? All week they have been advertising Everwood with Hannah telling Bright she doesn't believe in premarital sex (leading into the inevitible entertainment of watching Bright be Bright). Then it isn't even in the episode that was just on, and now they are advertising it happening next week. Blah.

I noticed the same of many of the ads for Battlestar Galactica, where they do more 'season ads' than 'episode ads.' I'm glad the writing appears to have bounced back on most of the WB shows after the first several episodes, but really people, don't pull crappy stunts like this as it doesn't endear me to your product.

Swords... poison... spells... battles...maiming... killing!

Hat tip to the Jessica for this one. Harrassment by those against video games, role-playing games, collectible card games or any other healthy form of entertainment has been an annoyance of mine since Dana Rohrabacher and friends were telling me we would all go Tom Hanks and try to fly off the World Trade Center or something.

It is interesting the majority of my gaming compatriots when I was younger are much more advanced (in general) in their careers and/or relationships (err, except for me) than those who didn't game with us.

Of course, the only problem with attacks like those in the story above is now technology gives every geek more power than 100 would-be censors. (Or, in terminology floating around the blogosphere in the last couple of days, we are an army of Davids) It is telling that in the story above it is the gamers who end up donating to a worthy cause while the weasel weasels out of it.

Advantage: Gamers

Call me skeptical

"Cowardly dogs" is not quite the insult I expect from a bunch of Rangers or special forces.

Although I guess it is possible that this was a psych-op, I remain deeply skeptical these were the actions of US Armed Forces.

I guess the funniest part is that those folks that videotape themselves sawing tourists' heads are 'insurgents', while US forces attempting to rid a country of terrorists are labelled as war criminals. Also note the gratuitous use of Abu Ghraib from the obviously non-partisan Sydney Morning Herald, as well as reporting this story as fact without any response by the US and even before the show the story references has aired.

I don't know if 'SBS's Dateline' is equivalent to the show by the same name in the US, but if so, I would have expected to see some more Google News entries on it by now.

Expect to see this show up on the hate-America networks soon!

Update: Story is developing; news release from Centcom.

I knew technology was important for something...

I can't wait to see this text message pop up on my phone: 'Hey honey, I've fallen in love with the gardener and left your things on the porch.'

It is one way I have yet to be dumped, but the century is still young!

The Coming Dragon

They may be having a rough start (hat tip: Instapundit), but the fact they are selling to Europe at all indicates a level of backing that means the major manufacturers better factor in significant market share erosion in the next couple of decades.

I'd venture to say it won't be but 5-7 years before they are competing with the best of the off-brands, and 10-12 before they give Honda and Toyota a run for their money. Foreign nationals in the US and elsewhere will assure they get on the road in sufficient quantities to assure visibility.

Yes, I am a geek. So what do you think?

This is more for design perspective as opposed to verbiage. What do you think of the colors and setup of the card? (The Copyright watermark won't be on the card)

I checked the quote on this card, and for 500 cards runs about $40.00. I must say for a full color, two-sided card, that's pretty good for a random website and no discounts.

Update: I think 'curious' is out; I received several, umm, interesting comments about what people may think that means today. I will probably replace with clever.

Need brains and wit greater than mine

I'm about to go into crazy housecleaning mode for the next couple of hours (while watching the game, Titans currently up 10-7), but I wanted to get this up before I do.

I am going to create personal cards this week, similar to business cards, but to be able to hand to random people as an icebreaker of sorts. It will include name, phone #, email address and the like; I also want to include some interesting or amusing tagline to go with it.

Rachel Lucas was the first blogger I ever read, though sadly she is no longer doing so. However, I have always remembered her tagline. Although she changed it every once in a while, it used to be 'Picquance. Impudence. Ordnance.' I always liked the ryhthm of it and am looking for something similar for my cards.

Since I am not very poetic, I hope someone can help me come up with something catchy/silly/unique to match my personality. For example, my first cut is 'Capricorn, curious, convertible,' or something. I definitely want to fit 'convertible' in there somewhere if I can. It doesn't have to be exactly in that format or rhythm, so something like 'Off-kilter in a convertible,' would also be acceptable.

If I use something someone provides, they will win a random movie or three out of my dwindling vhs collection. (Yes, I'm so generous!)

My email here.

Unfocused

I'm not sure why my mp3.player keeps coughing up Abba, but so be it.

A quick look at the basic demographic data for Nashville forced me to nix the last item I was writing. I'm not really sure where I want to go with the whole dating-theory series. There are a lot of factors in play that I haven't put a lot of effort into dissecting. (or applying)

For example, for most of my twenties, I had a pretty large clique that I hung out with, and no one ever really went without a girlfriend if they didn't feel like it. There were probably 20 of us in the main group, with another 20-30 who spun in and out of our orbit. At least a third to half of the group was single at any particular time. Since I have moved to Nashville, I have not found (or to be honest, looked for) an equivalent group of folks to hang out with.

Currently I hang with a tiny group of strictly attached folks (other than one other single guy), and there are exactly 0 single females in our sphere. Most likely, due to my age, there aren't really any larger groups left of my demographic, as most 34 year old people in Nashville (and probably everywhere) are married, more concerned with career than socializing, or (for the ladies and a very few men) are single mothers just trying to make it through.

The last girl I dated in Kentucky (for those keeping score at home, she is the original Hen of the term LTH) was a single hard-working mom, and if I hadn't quite literally been dropped into her very tiny sphere of people (work), there is a good chance she would have continued her self-destructive quasi-relationship with her abusive ex-husband for quite a while longer; not out of any masochistic tendencies, but out of a lack of options. The worst part was, she was (and still is...though now married to a nice, if dull, guy) stunning, bright, funny and together; I had a hard time understanding her lack of suitors until I realized it wasn't her, it was her situation.

Same with me, most likely. I may not have a child to take care of, but I have many other things that keep me out of a whole big social scene. The largest of which are probably the pure effort involved and the very high level of contentment with my current life, as is. I know so many people who try to date because they feel like they are missing something; for me, when I seriously think about it, I want to date because I want to share my continual amusement at almost everything with someone capable of being just as amused. If that makes any sense.

Another long weekend...

Going out to see a band tonight and shoot some pool, race in the morning, and have to help my brother move 100 miles tomorrow (ugg), then I am supposed to go to a Halloween party (Sumo Wrestler, ugg again). I'll *pokes himself in eye* try that drinks line on at least one woman by end of night tomorrow and let you know how it goes.;) More Arbitrage on Sunday, and I am looking forward to watching my oldest favorite underdog team ever (The Cincinnati Bengals) whack on my Tennessee Titans. Ought to be fun.

Have a great weekend all!

So you're the new cabin boy, eh? Aargh...

Hat tip to my chick-magnet (or *cough* should I say chic-magnet?) friend from Sac:

I don't think even these would help me (make sure you read the whole thing):

'These pants are in excellent condition. They were never taken on pirate expeditions. They weren’t worn onstage. They didn’t straddle a Harley, or a guy named Harley. They just hung there, sad and ignored, for a few presidencies.'

She may try...

Per Serira's comment (and sage advice), one of my favorite songs:

Montgomery Gentry
She Couldn't Change Me
Written by - Chris Knight & Gary Nicholson

Sometimes I think what turned her on
Was my old broke down boots
She wanted her a real cowboy
It was a phase she was goin' through

Not one week after she moved in
I caught her paintin' the bedroom blue
Brought home a bottle of pink chablis
Poured out my best home brew

I was sittin' on the porch in my overalls
As she packed her things to leave
She changed her mind when she couldn't change me

She changed direction - Headed out west
She changed her tune to some hip-hop mess
Her dark brown hair went to blonde
And her pretty blue eyes went to green
She changed everything when she couldn't change me

She was sittin' beside the ocean
Lookin' out at the waves
Watchin' how they keep on rollin'
They always seem the same

She called and said she'd been thinkin' about
All those quiet country nights
And whatever she thought was so wrong with me
Suddenly seemed alright

I was sittin' on the porch in my overalls
When her truck came into view
She said, "I changed my mind when I couldn't change you"

She changed direction - Headed back home
She changed her tune - It's all Haggard and Jones
Had her dark brown hair pulled back
And the bluest eyes you ever seen
She changed her mind when she couldn't change me

She changed direction - She's back in my arms
She thought it through - Had a change of heart
She said, "I guess when you love someone you just gotta let it be"
She changed her mind when she couldn't change me
Yeah, yeah...

She changed it all when she couldn't change me
She couldn't change me

Arbitrage explained

Is it possible to use an ancient economic activity as a new social paradigm? To be honest, the concept of arbitrage is as simple as Buy Low, Sell High. If I can purchase an automobile for $10,000 in Boston, drive it to New York the same day and sell it for $12,000, that is arbitrage. Same item, different value depending on location. Although the definition specifically states securities, for our experiment we will use any item of value.

Investing (except for short-selling and some other tricks) truly boils down to Buy Low, Sell High. However, depending on how adept one is, it can require judgment and evaluation of several thousand possible data points to be successful. The same with what we will call Demographic Arbitrage.

The long and short is that under the new theory every person is a commodity, and posesses a certain innate value, based on their looks, status, intelligence, affluence, sex appeal, loyalty, and a thousand other traits along what could be an infinite spectrum. Some traits have a higher value in certain cultures and countries, and even among different demographics of the same country.

For example, while attractiveness is always a high-value trait, in Los Angeles, might not status, fame, or affluence be of more importance to women looking for a mate? And maybe in No-Man's-Land, Kentucky, everyone works at the same mill and thus the expectation of income is the same, making attractiveness the higher-value trait? In a certain hip Seattle neighborhood where everyone is well-to-do, maybe quickwittedness and charm are head-turning qualities, while working-class Poughkeepsie'ens puts stabilty on top. I don't know if any of these things are true, but they are most likely verifiable with a little effort.

Looking outside our own country, is it possible (or probable?) that other countries value systems are so different so as to be alien to us? Is it true that Asians possess loyalty in abundances that we cannot even comprehend? In a country where divorce is nearly non-existent, do they consider us merely permissive or worse, mortally dishonest because we toss aside our marriage vows 50% of the time we make them? Would that not give Asian women a high arbitrage value to those in other countries looking for stable, loyal and long-term or marriage-minded relationships?

I don't want to ramble too much tonight, so I will get back to how does all that matter to me (or anyone searching for something/one in particular) and my quest for a soulmate? Well, the basic principle is that perhaps my arbitrage value in Nashville might be near zero, and thus I might have above average difficulty in finding a long-term relationship. However, perhaps in Atlanta, Peking, Seoul or Mexico City, my value as a mate is higher than the locals due to male/female population differences, asset value, or other traits I don't even know I have (or don't). If that is true, I would possess what I will call positive arbitrage there.

I know this may all sound pretty silly to some, but if there is something to it, might there be some call for services that match people to different places based on their arbitrage value? We already regularly hear about marriage services in Eastern Europe, South America, Russia and others. Although most of the agencies are scams, there are many that are not, and they basically trade American lifestyle and immigration status to women for wifehood, for lack of a better term. Some might call it prostitution, but is it any different than what many cultures have done for millenia (and continue to do) with arranged marriages? Is it wrong, is it right? If both parties are willing, does it matter?

Just something to chew on. More this weekend.

Arbitrage

Yep, I didn't know what it meant either.

ar·bi·trage ( P ) Pronunciation Key (ärb-träzh) n. The purchase of securities on one market for immediate resale on another market in order to profit from a price discrepancy.

This is what my brother insists is the magic formula for dating success, and I told him I would do whatever he said just from an experimental standpoint. He wants to apply the theory of arbitrage to the whole singles culture and sell e-pamphlets and the like to get rich.

So let's see if it works, with me as the guinea pig. More later.

The Marines: Tough, proud, cuddly

Love him or hate him, Bill Whittle is one of the finest essayist's on the 'net. I haven't stopped by in a while (so this entry is not terribly timely), but every time I do, there is something worthwhile to read.

If you have the time and inclination, go read this essay. And even better, if you have a lot of time, go read all of his essays and buy his book.

The part of "Tribes" where he uses Lt. Colonel Grossman's description of sheep, sheepdogs and wolves to describe our society, I understand and have attempted to verbalize on occasion, though not nearly 1/1000th so well as Bill's exposition.

If you have no capacity for violence then you are a healthy productive citizen: a sheep. If you have a capacity for violence and no empathy for your fellow citizens, then you have defined an aggressive sociopath--a wolf. But what if you have a capacity for violence, and a deep love for your fellow citizens? Then you are a sheepdog, a warrior, someone who is walking the hero's path. Someone who can walk into the heart of darkness, into the universal human phobia, and walk out unscathed.

He goes on to describe how sheepdogs (the fulltime paid 'dogs being the armed forces and law enforcement) make sheep uncomfortable. A quote by Orwell, which one of the warbloggers also uses eloquently to head his page (though I can't remember which one at the moment), summarizes nicely: "People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf."

If I may expand (poorly) on Bill's essay, we can apply the paradigm to other countries fairly readily. Where his focus was more inward, on our country and the contrasts between some peoples' actions on 9/11 in NYC and in the wake of Katrina in New Orleans. Some countries, such as Afghanistan and Iraq 5 years ago, (and Syria, Iran, North Korea, Sudan today, etc) had no sheepdogs, no heroes, no one to look to for protection, only wolves in sheepdog clothing.

The next time someone berates me because I support our country's promoting of freedom, I might simply say "The Iraqis and Afghanis had no sheepdogs and too many wolves, we had to go." By the same token, there are countries (France and Germany come to mind, as well as the leadership of the UN) that are almost completely clueless as to the necessity of a bite to go with a bark. Sometimes the way of the sheepdog really is the only effective way.

Iraq and Afghanistan had millions of people with the capacity to be sheepdogs, but the wolves were too many and would regularly take down the sheepdogs (with wood chippers, beheadings, mass graves) before they had a chance to do any damage. Today and every day in Iraq and Afghanistan now, thousands of citizens stand up to be sheepdogs, because we gave them the chance. On more than one occasion when there has been a bombing of a law enforcement employment line in Iraq, the following day the line was longer. That is courage. And we need honor that courage and to stay until the flocks in both those countries are safe and well-protected by their own fuzzy, toothed companions.

Sometimes there are those that pretend to be sheepdogs, (by thinking they are protecting the sheep by telling them to run and hide), like Al Gore, who would prefer we kept our sheepdogs at home where they couldn't harm or offend the wolves. When asked recently about how things would be different if he was president, he answered "We would not have invaded a country that didn't attack us." In other words, he would have let the wolves have their way unless they harmed us specifically. To be honest, there are dozens of places in the places in the world I wish we could (and would) unleash our hordes of courageous, honest, and generous sheepdogs.

Before anyone starts with the 'you're a chickenhawk' squawk, one of the most interesting points Bill raises is that there is nothing wrong with being a sheep. They are generally productive, moral, positive people; they simply lack the instincts necessary to be a 200 pound, 4 legged tooth-carrier. Personally, I often wonder what I would be like in a crisis. Like Bill, sometimes I wish that I were near enough a crisis to find out. I believe that most American's, deep inside, have the capacity to be heroes. We see them on the news every day. We saw hundreds or thousands of heroes on the news on 9/11.

I used to daydream about living in the world of Mel Gibson's Road Warrior. A time where there are frontiers again, where there are bad people to fight against, and good people to protect. A place and time to figure out where I stood, truly stood, on the scales of men. Maybe I would fail, or run, or die, but at least I would know.

The Borrower is slave to the Lender

(Ugg, this post is long and not polished, be warned and you might just want to move along. I'm too tired to stare at it any more.)

I don't know why it is, but I am like a squirrel with money. To me, segregated money is more money. I have a cool Target Chrome Piggy Bank that is slowly filling (actually, fairly rapidly as I transfer change from multiple Sobe Green Tea bottles) Copper into the pencil holder for kids on Halloween. Silver into the attractive porsine knick-knack.

I have a sock with 300 Susan B. Anthony dollars in it in my closet. Even if a bladed object is not close at hand, I can brain burglers with the Suffrage Momma. I have $800 in cash hiding in a suit jacket in the spare bedroom closet (Usually more, but I had to spend $1000 to register my car and just gave some to my brother). Anywhere from 0-$200 on Paypal. 2 IRA's, savings, checking, money market account, fully funded 401(k), new funded account at some online brokerage for when I bought NABI (now tanking, joy). And so on.

None of that is bragging, as I know I am not rich by any means rich (And rich people don't hoard like that anyway;), I am just my Mother's son.

As I am my Father's son also, I love to spend money. A lot. Amazon ships me stuff at least weekly (if it is at least half off retail). Hollywood video every other week to buy 6 used $8 DVD's. Kohl's once a month. Walmart (Ugg, hate walking in there) every 8 weeks. Car, house, going to Belize toward the end of the year, blahblahblah, just like any other typical American.

However, I'm kind of kooky. First, I listen to Dave Ramsey, so I don't believe in debt, and have very little. (House will be paid in 70 more months and a 12-month out on my car) Second, a few months back, I felt that for what I made, my cash flow was not quite what it should be. It didn't feel like my check went far enough or that I was saving enough. (even though I think my aggregate savings is about 30% of my income) So I decided to try an experiment.

I made a pact with myself. All my regular discretionary spending (DVD's, movies, Amazon, Website and hosting fees, most eating out), I was going to only fund from Paypal. And the only way I was going to fund Paypal was through Ebay sales or Consulting fees (i.e. Work income separate from my main job) In other words, if I don't have any cash on my Paypal debit card, I don't buy any junk. I started off selling my old Magic Cards on Ebay. Most of the Magic cards weren't even good, for those wondering at home.

I would put 60 random Dark commons, a few uncommons and a rare into a box and sell it for $2.49. Ice Age got me $3.50. Mirage $1.99. These are the big binder cards, the rares no one used and commons we all had 1000's of. I did sell one Morphling for $35, but that was the biggest. The problem was, the whole thing actually felt like work, and I was always paranoid they wouldn't get the cards or felt gipped somehow and they'd whack my feedback. (Same with the BMG CD's, though I still do those like clockwork.)

Then I found out that people willingly pay ridiculous amounts of cash for electronic objects that exist only in online games (MTGO, Eve, Everquest, all of the online games). That's no news to most of y'all, but it was like Moses on Sinai for me. The reason is, I had found a hugely undervalued trade good on Eve Online, and had made billions of ISK (Eve currency...currently 1 billion eve ISK is worth around $250-$300) buying and selling it. I am sad that the item in question doesn't drop much anymore, and the only reason it was undervalued is that it is large and hard to move (thus it only worked well when I was buying huge quantities, recycling it and then selling the components), so my market is mostly gone and my ISK drying up.

Still, between February of this year and now, I have made around $4,000 selling electronic money, simply by playing a game I was already playing. To be honest, in the past 3 months due to my wrist problems, I haven't even done much playing other than going online and transfering cash to whoever bought it. I also made another $300 in Magic Online cards, though I spent a little more than that. (And yes, I know that is small change to many of the professional game cash sellers) Still, that's a lot of junk in the real world.

And more importantly, it did wonders for my cash flow. I never feel stretched anymore, and always have plenty of paycheck in the bank when the next one arrives. And if Eve doesn't cancel my accounts for Eula violations, I should be able to get another $2,000 out of my two accounts after I sell off most of my liquid assets in-game, almost enough to pay for my Belize trip.

I guess the point of all this is that I hear complaints all the time from certain folks at work and in my family about how there is never enough money. One guy I know who makes around $10k more than me does nothing but complain about how he never has any and is in debt up to his ears.

Personal finance is about 10% income and 90% behavior (I think Dave told me that). We all know tons of people who make plenty of money but are still in debt to the gills. After my bankruptcy, I was only making 9 bucks an hour for almost a year. However, I made the choice to never, ever, be in over my head again. If I spent a dollar, any change went directly into a bucket at home (and still does). If I spent a 5-dollar bill and got a 1 back, that did too. (not doing this one though anymore) If someone offered to buy something they saw in my house or car (old books, posters, more Magic cards and other junk), I'd sell it. If I was out of cash, there was no way I was putting food on a credit card. I would eat whatever leftoevers were at home or my ex-fiances. Even today, when my Eve money ends, I will find something else to do to keep cash on the Paypal account or I will do without my movies.

We live in a society that is in for the quick fix. Credit card offers are NOT your friend. They do not make people adults, or show that we've done something right. These are businesses, designed to make money. They will sign you up whether you have any way to pay them or not. They will charge you $30 for paying late one time and jack your rate up after two. The new bankruptcy laws go into effect in the next several weeks, and that is no longer the easy out it once was.

I am not as bad of a credit demonizer as Dave Ramsey is, but I do understand that they are dangerous, no matter how much we think we have them 'under control.' Often, people buy as much house, or car, or stuff, as they can get away with. They don't leave themselves any escape routes if they lose their job or something like a bad illness or blown engine happens.

I am not a poster child for anything, but I have put myself into a position where if I lose my job tomorrow, I can actually pay all my bills, including my mortgage and car stuff, by playing video games or working at a McJob for $7/hour, without touching my 401(k) or IRA's. It wouldn't be much fun, but I could do it. Heck, the cost of my car was exactly equal to what I will have saved by quitting smoking for three years (It was a present to myself for doing right by my health and life). I do understand that there are extenuating circumstances for some people's difficulties, but putting balance into one's financial life can have a tremendous impact and actually allows you to buy more stuff over the long term.

However, unlike many, I do not see putting $5,000 worth of furniture on a credit card to furnish a new apartment as an extenuating circumstance. I do not see spending 1/3 of one's income on a new car as extenuating circumstances. For Heaven's sake, Christmas is not an emergency, and yet more debt is added during that time of the year than any other.

It's funny, I sold $45 worth of of stuff on Ebay since I started this post (too long ago!), and that's enough adding to what was there already to let me go get my new Ipod tomorrow.

Go me.

Match 1, Tobias 0

Okay, this is going well. Honest.

So far I have sent a dozen emails that I must have spent a combined 4 hours on, and winked at another 2 dozen ladies. (A wink is Match's way of letting you say hey, I am interested, without putting a lot of time in someone who may not be interested back) I have had around 12 winks from folks other than those I have written and winked, and one mutual wink. The one mutual of course was one I followed up with an email, which I think proceeded to sink me.;) I received one email in response to one of mine, but she was the cool girl who wasn't interested.

I must be putting off quantic anti-pheremone particles or something, but I shall persevere!

Two odd things I have noticed. The first is the inclination of women from foreign countries to wink at me; I have had one from San Paolo, Brazil, one from Guada-something, Mexico, and although not foreign, I had one from Florida this morning. Now, I am not beyond have a long-distance dating relationship with someone from 5000 miles away, but the least they could do is write.

Second, Match has totally messed html blocks. Does anyone know the code for 'carriage return?' The reason being, I spaced my whole get to know me speech out nicely...you know, in paragraphs (Those are those things Gibb told you about Saint). Of course, Match just goes and jumbles everything together. Why not make it harder on everyone to get through 2000 characters of vulnerability? Joy!

Anyone with any hints on my profile, please let me know. They don't have to be nice, but they do need to be constructive. (Email is fine, unless you just feel the need to embarrass me in public!) I am trying to get my Cali connection to give me some ideas, he has skillz.

Update: Hmm, not sure why my link isn't working, maybe some cookies are playing around on my machine to make them work for me. Trying going here, my username is tbiaslorin.

Update 2: Forgot to mention the most annoying thing of all, they won't let me use any URL's in my profile...so much for some more publicity!

My, what a sexy profile you have...

Gibb, I never knew!

God Blesses the Truman family again!

Welcome to the world my new niece, the first Truman girl in more than 2 generations!

No name yet, 6lb 6oz, born at 6:24pm CST.

I can't wait to spoil her!

Pictures as soon as they are available!

Praise God!

Update: All my nephews have at least 3 names each; my brother and sis-in-law didn't want to shortchange my new niece, so she is (though we're still wiating on the official spelling of her 2nd name): Anna Rebekkah Eden Truman
(Eden is our Mom's family)

I love her already.

I'm not this self-centered, really

When I first started this site, my intent was definitely not to write as much personal stuff as I have. Although I find myself terribly entertaining (even if no one else does), it is not so narcissistic as that. So far, this has been much more online diary than blog. I wanted (and still want) it to be a combination of odds and ends (like the Smurf post below), political commentary, technology that I find interesting (space elevators and carbon nanotubes, etc.), unusual financial managment ideas I found have worked for me, and the like, interspersed only occasionally with my random manicness.

I used to read the blogs on my sidebar (among others) cover-to-cover every day. I had actually intended to branch out and read many smaller blogs, find some I like, and link them and their entries as well, and with hope build some inter-site friendships. So far, since I started this, I haven't read any more than once or twice each, and even then not cover to cover.

I am not sure how I am going to fix the balance, but it is definitely something I will try to work on in the coming weeks. I'm not sure why I'm mentioning this, just that if things change around here, I don't want it to be a surprise for the folks who wander around regularly.

Saint and Gibb, I appreciate both of your comments and ideas, and as I find time, will work to implement at least some of them where I can.

That is all!

Not very smurfy at all

Although I firmly believe in the right of each person to say, think and (mostly) do what they like, it does not mean I have to agree with what they actually say, think and (mostly) do.

I remember the Smurfs. I liked the Smurfs. They made me happy many Saturday mornings. The misadventures of Gargamel and Azrael. The inappropriate cross-species crush I had on Smurfette. Papa Smurf was like the Lorne Greene of the Smurf community, stolid and grandfatherly. I had the Smurf video game for the Colecovision some time in 1981 or so; it was the most played game I had next to Venture and maybe Zaxxon. There were hushed rumors that if you jumped around in the right fashion you would unlock a secret scene in which you got to see Smurfette naked (or in other versions of the rumor, in compromising positions with another smurf)

So although I defend peoples' right to make such trash, I think it is a disgusting use of a beloved set of characters.

Icons have power, which seems to be the reasoning behind this video. However, some icons also provide a sense of safety and the remembrence of good times past, and it is a hideous injustice to use them just because you don't know how else to reach people.

My apologies to the low-res readers

Crud, my apologies to those using lower resolutions than I am when editing my blog! I’m curious, what resolution does everyone use on his or her monitor? I’m at 1024x768 at work and noticed my photos aren’t cropping correctly. I must be at 1184 at home, because they look fine there. Does anyone still use 800x600? I’m sure everything looks terrible at that resolution, if it is even readable.

My ability to decipher HTML is similar to my skill in translating documents located at Khirbet Qumran, but I am going to take a look at stretching the main text box using some of the spacing between the center column and the right or left. Of course, this will require random tweaking on the order of 15-20 settings. Blech.

My worry is if I tweak at too high a resolution, my columns will run together for folks on a lower resolution or smaller monitor and everything will be a mess. Of course, if I tweak for the lowest common denominator (800x600 I guess, though on occasion of I have old games that push me into 600x480), then there will be huge amounts of wasted space for those with higher resolution.

Catch 22. Does anyone know if there is an easy way to make a style-sheet scale individual components (boxes, pics, and the like) depending on resolution? I notice some other blogs that seem to have put limitations on how they scale (based on changing browser window size at random), and wonder if I can do something similar. This also might be why most of the bigger bloggers use a base-white background and use very little in the way of frames and boxes, and their separation is based only on negative space.

Anyone with any general stylistic advice that may help this all look right to a majority of people, please let me know!

(I will go back and re-edit the picture posts, with hope mid-week)

The dodo asks for forgiveness, years late

So many people hear the words, "I am sorry", and just barely count the syllables. I know it is true for me also. It is a phrase that often carries no meaning because of the thousands of times it is said without meaning.

Too often the values of the wronged carry no worth to the causer of pain, and thus the 'I am sorry' comes out like a false truism (I mean it because I said it), or out of rote. The instigator's faults are two in that situation. First, he has said something he may or may not truly mean, often without even thinking about why he is sorry. (How many times do we say we are sorry without really knowing why another person is upset?) Second he assumes or doesn't really care whether the other party will accept the words as sufficient to cause them to reciprocate with grace (different than Grace) and forgiveness. Thus the phrase decreases in potency.

However, in some cases, the belief of the wronged is of paramount importance, such as when we hurt family, friends, or lovers and want to heal the wounds we have caused. So what is one to do when the belief of another person rests on the hollowness of our meager language and those three words? How often do we accept an 'I am sorry' when deep inside, we really don't, either because of a lack of agreement on what the issue is or because we believe someone is insincere?

Repentance, as I understand it, is slightly different, and perhaps a more advanced starting point in requesting someone's forgiveness. It involves not only an understanding of the wrong committed, but a change of heart that will (with sufficient strength backing it) prevent said wrong from occurring again. Saying the words 'I am sorry' requires little but tongue and breath and teeth; repentance has a different kind of teeth and requires both an acknowledgement of wrongdoing and at least a touch of shame.

Nine years ago I lied to someone who meant the world to me. Not through my words, but my actions. I told her with words that I cared for her, but with my actions I did the opposite. Maybe I didn't know how to reconcile the two. Heck, maybe I still don't know how to, as I remember too many times I have said those words to someone, but did not reinforce them with actions.

There is nothing I can do to change the past, but perhaps there is hope in the future. When I tell her I am sorry, I want to show her I mean it, not just say the words. Because even though I still find myself with some unsorted jumble of feelings, I am also a different person.

I hope she likes that person well enough that we can still be friends.

I want her viewpoint, her voice, her boot-stomping bitch routine, and her rare, random vulnerability to be a part of my life. I want her to someday trust me again, and I want the dodo to be redeemed in her eyes and not be used against anyone.

I found this poem, Two Lonely Dragons, looking for something charming with ‘dodo’ in it to close with; it’s a children’s poem and probably more silly than charming, but I think it fits and it made me smile; maybe it will her too (though I don’t know how she will feel being called Droopy):

Dodo's the name of a dragon who lived
Outside a castle of stone
But he was never invited inside,
So he was always alone.

One day he snorted and flames sprouted forth
High in the blue summer sky,
Writing a message in smoke rings it read:
"Oh, how very unhappy am I."

Now this was noticed some distance away
By Droopy Dragon, who knew
Just how alone one poor dragon could be
When there was nothing to do.

Droopy set off where the smoke rings appeared
For he was anxious to see,
Whether another poor creature could possibly be
Quite so unhappy as he.

Dodo was staggered when Droopy arrived,
Rubbing his sleepy green eyes.
He didn't know other dragons, you see,
And it was such a surprise.

Two dragons meeting is such an event
That it took only a while,
Till they were friendly and learning again,
How to make jokes with a smile.

Then Droopy took Dodo home right away,
Far from the castle of stone,
Where he was never invited inside,
Where he was always alone.

And ever after they lived happily,
For it was so much more fun,
Sharing a home, where both dragons agreed,
Two is much better than one!

I am sorry, Jess, and I pray you will forgive me. A dodo is as a dodo does.

I'm not sure that's the best marketing tactic

I just signed up at Match.com. Looks like a nice site, it was recommended to me by a couple friends, so I thought I'd give it a try. I think their marketing department needs to take a look at some of their stuff though.

From an email they sent:

You've just taken one of the most important steps in your love life. You now have an all access pass to our 15 million members and can start connecting with any of them right away. Plus, we'll be here for any dating tips and advice, technical issues or just good ol' moral support every step of the way. Just ask the 200,000 members who found love on Match.com last year - they were all subscribers, too!

Sure, sounds good...not.

Just some basic math. I now have access to all 15 million of their members; wow, that's awesome! However, their success rate seems to be lacking. 200,000 members found love last year. Hmm...that looks to me like a 1.3% success rate. Holy hopeless lovelife Batman! I wonder which would be more successful for me: joining Match.com or just asking out the next 76 women I meet and find attractive. Because if any one of them says yes, it will be about the same odds. It's what my brother calls 'the Law of Large Numbers as applied to dating'.

They refused my first attempt at a primary photo (I tried to use the one in the last post) because they have all sorts of rules about cropping, and full face shots and the like. So I used this one as my second attempt; good, bad, indifferent? I think I went through this once-upon-a-time with another site, first the file type was wrong, then it was too big, then it was too small, then it didn't clearly show every freckle and blemish...was ultra frustrating! At least I can use bigger photos if I choose to; each can be up to 3mb. I'm going to stick with the sizes I am using on this site so I can multi-task easier.

Good luck me!

Update: of course, badcandy has a different idea, and as she's the only girl here who has suggested something, I'll use her pick (however scary it is to think it will be out in the world).

I must say...

That I have always been blessed by friends I can't possibly deserve, whether across town or across the country. They put up with my emotional dyslexia fairly regularly, and generally laugh with, instead of at, me.

AKBar's husband truly does not understand the meaning of 'doing things small.' I told him I wanted to get a couple of pictures to put up on my blog, send to my mom, and maybe for profiles on a singles site or two. I figured hey, an even dozen would be plenty.

We spent an entire day taking pictures. (BTW, pictures at the best of times scare me. Pictures, in general, are evil) At his townhouse, at Starbuck's (the cute boo-impersonating manager tried to shoo us off), at a park, at a farm, and finally, at a boat ramp with the indelicate name of 'Stark Knob.' By the time we kicked off our shoes and got ready for dinner, he had with great patience and skill, managed just short of 300 pictures. Umm...what? 300 pictures? Yep. The equivalent of 10+plus rolls of film. I kept something on the order of 200 pictures of me, a dozen of my car, and an awesome shot of a couple of hens I hope AKBar will help me transform into another logo. I'll put a couple or three up once a week or so.

I am sad that I will never be able to even show off the full expertise he has in digital photography as I have to resample them to put up (plus the fact that his non-photogenic subject matter got weirded out anytime more than 3 pictures were taken in any particular pose or location). The base images produced by his Canon EOS 20D (tell me if I got that wrong WCB) are something like 8-megapix and for the most part weigh in at over 3500x2500 pixels and 3.0 megabytes.

Anyone who can make my newly visible laugh-lines (and holy crud, look at all that gray hair!) not appear like I belong in Dawn of the Dead must have some Ansel Adams in there somewhere.

All I can say is thanks, you are unbelievable.

Look, the moon!

It's my bridge to sell...really

Would you mind taking that off?

My lovely Luna Grace...

A boy and his car...

Not quite cooking with gas

But it'll do...a pair of 40's of Boone's Farm and a 6-pack of Amberbock and I still won at poker, went to bed at 3:00am, got up at 6:43am and ran a 30:30. Hardly a land speed record (in high school I ran it in about 17 even), but I ran the first mile with a friend and it probably took 40 seconds off my overall time. Next week a little harder course, my goal is to be a little under 29:30.

Also, being awake at 9:31 is a little miracle in itself!

Update: The official results came in and I actually managed a 30:09. Go me!

Venus is so much better than Mars...

I'm outta here! I can't wait to attempt running 3.1 miles with the hangover I hope to have 14 hours from now! And poker! And Team America! And Dominoes! And passing out to FF:The Spirits Within.

I'm going to insist WaCBar put this on repeat along with 'My Humps':

All I can say is damn... If you haven't seen it, check out the 'Dont'cha' video. If I heard correctly, the Pussycat Dolls used to be a Vegas showgirl act. Very Spice Girl retro, but well, ok. They could be the Venus version of the Village People and I'd still sing along.

0 and 5

I'm sad, she just cancelled my lunch. Maybe I should just get a kitten instead. If I had actually managed it I would have broken my string of 0-4 for girls I've asked out at work; we couldn't have that!

(Is all good, I'm not heartbroken, just mopey)

WB Week 2

At least they didn't get it all wrong this week. Everwood was passable; still a couple of odd moments that didn't quite fit. Hannah and Amy both chilled out slightly and back to looking mostly normal.

Smallwood, for all its several lapses in suspension of disbelief, had the fact that Lana and Clark finally went at it; Tom Welling and Kristen Kreuk actually have some chemistry, and it almost looked like the kissing wasn't scripted. Might watch the tabloids for Kristen's Krypton love child.

Biggest surprise of all was last night. One Tree Hill, usually my fallback when I need some random drama (and the fact that I have a huge crush on Brooke), was the best WB premiere this season. The characters were crisp, the soundtrack was right on, and there was just the right mix of sap and tragedy. (Which is the secret behind every successful WB show)

Maybe there is hope after all; more next week.

I rock!

I can't exactly say why I rock, as I'm not sure all ladies would be quite so forgiving being blogged about as some are...but I will ask for permission to tell you why I'm so cool! I can say the universe sent me my distraction, and it isn't a kitten (though that would have been fine too)!

Some days, I just love being me.

So much for the Black Eyed Peas...

I went looking for the video to 'My Humps' by the BEP's; of course they haven't done one yet. I wouldn't have posted this except for Lil Miss Blizzard; I have no idea if it will even be funny for WoW players, but the song sounds straight off the album for those who haven't heard it. (It's 28 megs and I was getting 514/kb/second download off my cable, so not too long, though your results may vary)

WoW version of My Humps

I hate AOL but their new ad had me in stitches...

Guy giving a presentation in front of a crowd, mild English accent:
...
"Who here has heard of the 'I love you virus?'
Now, have you heard of the 'I just want to be friends virus?'
Or the 'I love you but I'm not in love with you virus?'

Neither have we, but we'll be ready!"

That's not exact, but close. If anyone ever finds the link, please pass it on and I will post it.

Staph Sucks, buy Nabi!

T's first stock pick: (I'm in for 503.24 shares at $12.34 (I'm holding the 3.24 for a friend ))

Nabi Biopharmaceuticals
Risk: High
Reward Potential: High
Turn Estimate: 3-6 months

Nabi has been working on a staph vaccine with a potential revenue stream of 5x (or more) greater than the current revenue of the company.

Don't bet big on anything I suggest, I'm not a broker and I don't play one on TV; but if you have some unallocated funds and like to gamble, the potential for a real hit is there.

At least my car could get a date...

Got a kiss blown at me on my way home by cute blond teenybopper girl with mom in the car (who pointed the neat car out to the girl)...I'm not foolish enough to assume it was my new picture-taking haircut. The young woman who just cut my hair left me with exactly enough to prevent dew from settling on my skull.

I really wish hair grew faster, as getting it cut is one of my favorite things ever, it is both relaxing and somewhat intimate. A good stylist knows to not talk to me and I often get into that awake/sleep midzone that recharges my often-empty batteries.

Reminds me I still owe Jules a post; she's my psychoanalyst masseuse; I haven't forgotten you!

Strike 2 for the WB

Feels like the start of another suckful week on the WB. Unlike prior seaons, everything just seems so...scripted. Gillmore Girls was almost as bad as last week's Everwood. Supernatural didn't seem quite so bad, but most likely that is because I don't have such high expectations. However, I'll go out on a limb and say it won't last the season if it doesn't click in the next couple of episodes. The first episode remains the best of the three (and not just because it had a sexy ghost that sucked the life out of people...err, but mainly).

I turned to FX and Nip/Tuck is on. I have only seen a couple of episodes across seasons, but it has always been as intense a show as I have ever seen. Maybe I just need something with a bit more bite. Huh...a little link-clicking and it looks like Nip/Tuck is made by Warner also.

If they extended Battlestar Galactica to 52 episodes, all would be well with the world.

Back to Good

Ugg, I haven't train wrecked in a while, people are supposed to warn me when I become unhinged! I woke up this morning after my first good night's sleep in 3 days with typical 'OMG, what have I done?' thoughts running through my head. Like most guys, I don't ever read the instructions for anything. Not that blogging has any instructions, but I know there are hundreds of tips pages that probably would have told me not to 'blog emotional.'

That advice is up there with 'Don't clean your pistol while contemplating suicide' or 'Picking a fight in a Mexican bar is not an idea that will get you nominated for Mensa.'

In any case, I seem to have found my way back to good. Not that being off-kilter for a few days over a pretty girl is necessarily a bad thing, just not something that was on my list of things to do this year.

I'm sure she'll be happy to know I'll quit stalking her now. Though it may have been serendipitous, I checked my Yahoo email for the first time in ages this morning and the top email was about Blizzcon coming up at the end of the month. If I have my facts straight from the 4am call, Jess's husband just got a job for Blizzard (hence the flight back to America), making her attendance assured had I chosen to hop a plane for Anaheim.

So y'all can see where that thought-train [wreck] was headed for about 10 seconds. I think I'll just go flagellate myself instead, it'll do less damage in the long run.

I hope you landed safe Jess! If you would, please drop me an e-mail address at some point so I can remove my infatuation from the public eye.

No more drama...

Just fly safe, ashke.

I sense the Lightning-Rod Salesman around the corner

My life has gone so right for so long I have almost forgetten what tragedy (or even melodrama) is like. I am certain the lack of emotional scar tissue has left me vulnerable.

Yesterday at church the pastor (is that what they call them in a Baptist church?) preached on overcoming adversity and used Paul as his example of perseverence in the face of tribulation. The funny thing is the reason I started going to church again is not because life has been difficult and I was looking for a rock (even though I know (intellectually) I desperately need one), but just the opposite.

My life has been so blessed for so long I feel compelled to go to church to thank God for everything He has given me. Six years ago I lived in a two room roach-infested hovel in the worst part of Bowling Green, KY. I had just run away from NC and one of the only women I have ever trusted, using my father's illness as a horrible rationalization. I drank pretty regularly and smoked over three packs a day. I found and lost my 2nd fiance to my own foolishness.

But then everything started going right. (About the time I involuntarily decided to quit dating) I was promoted several times where I worked. I found some friends to hang out with. A couple of years later I took a renewed interest in myself. I quit smoking, lost a bunch of weight, started working out, fixed up my teeth, paid off all my debts, visited the tanning bed.

Some of this may sound pretty silly, but every time I pass another milestone, I can't understand why everything just keeps going right. I haven't been content like this in my life, well, ever. The two folks who regularly read this blog can probably confirm that. For, err, always, I had tied my sense of self to someone else's sense of me. When I finally broke that codependence, I learned what contentment is truly all about.

It may sound materialistic, but my latest victories have been owning my own (very modest) condo and the purchase of the newest (and sexiest!) car I have ever owned. For someone whose last three vehicles have been a 1989 Chrysler Lebaron, 1991 4-door Generic Box Car, and a 1980-something Saab 900, it has been a fairly big boost to my already through-the-roof self-esteem.

Now, I regularly question God, and don't necessarily know where I will be spending my Eternity, but I do know what I believe, and I believe it pretty strongly. I believe in God and Jesus Christ and the rest of the Apostle's Creed. I believe He has blessed me constantly for years. I believe in Him because there are platypuses and dolphins and because the moon's revolution and rotation are exactly the same. I believe in Him because since 9/11 I cry at everything that moves me, good or bad. I believe in Him because I can feel Him at the edge of my self.

I guess what I am scared of is that I am just being set up for a huge fall. To be honest, I don't know if my latest chain of posts is a good thing or a bad thing. I hope no one takes that the wrong way, as I am thrilled and scared and curious and shocked and blessed by the whole thing.

At the same time I wonder, is this a test or just kismet? Was it God who whispered her name in my ear to allow me to find her to ask her forgiveness? Was it the other guy who whispered it because he knows I'm psycho and knows she will pierce my (apparently fragile) sense of calm? Why now, the day she is moving back to this country, that seems like pretty odd timing in the scheme of things?

Other questions bubble forth, like what does it even matter? She is happily married and will be living on the other side of the country and the odds are I will never see her in person again in this lifetime.

I can (almost) sense the huge train wreck coming. Half of me says I should just drop the subject on my blog and stick to other things and whatever happens will happen in private; however one of the purposes of this space was to show my soulmate, if she exists, the real me. And I hate to say it, this swirling mass of random thought and emotional debris, is part and parcel of the real me. I hope a stronger, better me than the one of a decade ago, one that deserves her, whoever she is. But still one that apparently has some unresolved issues in his life.

I guess about all I can hope is that the Universe will offer me some guidance. Maybe she won't call back. Maybe I'll find a cute girl or a kitten to distract me. Maybe I'll learn to be a friend that someone would want to have. Maybe...maybe.

Quitting coffee? Not this morning...

(Dere will be noah da quitting dis morning, my 4am phone call is catching up to me, sanqu dollbaby.)

I have been training to run some 5k’s, and I read somewhere (sorry no link, this was prior to blogdom) about enhanced performance in short-distance races for those who had zero normal caffeine intake. I trained yesterday for the first time at near 2 miles, and I am going to increase that to a full 3.1 miles on Wednesday.

I hope to run the Octoberfest 5k on Saturday; they give you free beer at the end, woot! Not quickly this time around; I would be thrilled to hit 27 minutes (though it will probably be closer to 30). There’s another the following week and I hope to take a minute off whatever I do this week. (Plus Boo#5 will be running this race also; I hope to at least remain upright through the whole thing)

My mid-term goal is a 21-minute 5k for the Resolution Run on New Year’s Day and down to under 20 minutes for Memorial Day. Of course, that may be physically impossible for a man of my years, but we all nee