Looping the Hen

Repentance, as I understand it, is slightly different, and perhaps a more advanced starting point in requesting someone's forgiveness. It involves not only an understanding of the wrong committed, but a change of heart that will (with sufficient strength backing it) prevent said wrong from occurring again. Saying the words 'I am sorry' requires little but tongue and breath and teeth; repentance has a different kind of teeth and requires both an acknowledgement of wrongdoing and at least a touch of shame.

Nine years ago I lied to someone who meant the world to me. Not through my words, but my actions. I told her with words that I cared for her, but with my actions I did the opposite. Maybe I didn't know how to reconcile the two. Heck, maybe I still don't know how to, as I remember too many times I have said those words to someone, but did not reinforce them with actions.

There is nothing I can do to change the past, but perhaps there is hope in the future. When I tell her I am sorry, I want to show her I mean it, not just say the words. Because even though I still find myself with some unsorted jumble of feelings, I am also a different person.

I hope she likes that person well enough that we can still be friends.

I want her viewpoint, her voice, her boot-stomping bitch routine, and her rare, random vulnerability to be a part of my life. I want her to someday trust me again, and I want the dodo to be redeemed in her eyes and not be used against anyone.

I found this poem, Two Lonely Dragons, looking for something charming with ‘dodo’ in it to close with; it’s a children’s poem and probably more silly than charming, but I think it fits and it made me smile; maybe it will her too (though I don’t know how she will feel being called Droopy):

Dodo's the name of a dragon who lived
Outside a castle of stone
But he was never invited inside,
So he was always alone.

One day he snorted and flames sprouted forth
High in the blue summer sky,
Writing a message in smoke rings it read:
"Oh, how very unhappy am I."

Now this was noticed some distance away
By Droopy Dragon, who knew
Just how alone one poor dragon could be
When there was nothing to do.

Droopy set off where the smoke rings appeared
For he was anxious to see,
Whether another poor creature could possibly be
Quite so unhappy as he.

Dodo was staggered when Droopy arrived,
Rubbing his sleepy green eyes.
He didn't know other dragons, you see,
And it was such a surprise.

Two dragons meeting is such an event
That it took only a while,
Till they were friendly and learning again,
How to make jokes with a smile.

Then Droopy took Dodo home right away,
Far from the castle of stone,
Where he was never invited inside,
Where he was always alone.

And ever after they lived happily,
For it was so much more fun,
Sharing a home, where both dragons agreed,
Two is much better than one!

I am sorry, Jess, and I pray you will forgive me. A dodo is as a dodo does.