Looping the Hen

Tobias - 1, Gravity - 0

I didn't give a bad name to screaming little girls everywhere, and managed to curb my heart-stopping fear long enough to not squeal when my instructor pushed me out of the plane. It was still the most terrifying event of my life, and once will be plenty for me. I will now cross it off of my list of things to do in my life.

It almost felt like a day (or weekend) populated by little pre-death rituals that might be performed by a samurai or zulu warrior. Tammy and I talked about the disposition of my estate and my desire for fireworks at my funeral. I called dad and we prayed. I didn't call mom, as she asked me to not to when I first mentioned it, so I called her after. Went to Nikki's (my jump cohort) and had our last meal; cheesy eggs, pancakes, biscuits and bacon, mmmm.

It was a nice drive in my hunny's jeep, small rodent dog and everything. We got there almost an hour earlier, as we were a little unsure of where it was. (I forgot my map) The pre-event was a little bit less strenous than I thought it would be. Watch a video, sign a document saying I won't hold anyone liable if I end up as 200 pounds of mush on the airport asphalt, put on a jumpsuit and harness. I had expected some formal training on how to land, how to get out of the plane, how not to panic and attempt to pull my tandem's rip cord out prior to exiting the plane. There was very little, just some cursory explanations of how to hold my head, arms and feet.

To be honest, it is fine there wasn't more of it, because my brain shut off just prior to leaving the plane. The bravest and most fear-inspiring thing I have ever done, and I can only remember bits and pieces of it. The jumper actually made one signal to me during the free fall, but I could not for the life of my remember what I was supposed to do when he made it.

Even the plane ride was a bit scary, as we were in one of the fastest climbing planes in the US. We reached jump altitude of 14,000 feet in around 4 minutes 30 seconds; the plane was back on the runway while I was still under canopy at around 4000 feet. (Maybe 2 minutes into the experience) The instructor is attached to a tandem in 4 places, left and right shoulder and left and right hip, each 2500 or 5000lb test. One nice thing is the harness feels sturdy and appropriately tight and for some reason it made me slightly more comfortable, perhaps because I felt that it was one less failure point.

There were 13 of us on the plane; 3 tandems (6 people), 3 camera folks for the 3 tandem jumpers (I thought it was an interesting way to make a living! Although my camera person was only 15), and 4 other random jumpers (though 2 of them knew Nikki from work). She was first off the plane, I was last; watching everyone else jump before me I think heightened my fear. Actually, I think it was more stark terror of the about to be killed by an axe-murderer variety. I was very close to calling the whole thing off, except I think I would have died of humiliation in that case, having told everyone here and at work I was going to jump out of a plane. Scary. Dreadfully scary.

Or, I'm just a wuss, which is quite possible also, but I must emphasize the fear. Even now when I force myself to remember it, my heart starts pouding and my hands start sweating. When I got up to the door and put my hands on either side (remember the kitten imagery?), the instructor says 'Grab your harness...grab your harness!...on the count of 3 we go.' Then, 'one, two...' and he jumps...ugg! I had one more second to live, egads! It felt like it was 30 degrees and my face was flapping like a paper in the breeze. He made the signal to me, and I guess my legs were out of place because he kept wrestling them around with his.

I think I made some horrid faces for the camera, we should have those here tomorrow for your amusement. Other than that, the one thought I can remember (other than how cold it was), was that if the parachute failed, I would have around 80 seconds to live. No joke...I barely noticed the pretty scenery rushing toward me like a large steam-driven freight train. Somewhere I felt the canopy open like a jackhammer and jerk me back to existence. I was surprised by how heavy I felt then as the harness dug into my thighs. After the chute opened I almost relaxed, but I wasn't comfortable really until about 1000 feet. I think I could finally make out Tammy at around 500 or so, like a cute little ant on the runway.

I'm glad I did it. I originally said I would never consider doing it again, and I probably won't. However, when I listened to my dad on the phone, he was almost wistful and worried at the same time. He was in the Airborne when he was younger and made about 50 jumps. Maybe one day I'd do it again for him. However, I can't possibly see any other reason I would do so unless my plane was crashing.

Anyhoo, a big thanks for everyone's support (Lillian, I hadn't been remembered the Ambrose quote in ages, thanks for the reminder), and for my dear lady, who was there with me all the way.